Happy New Year!

As I sit here and attempt to sum up December, I'm realizing that it may very well have been one of our busiest months. Ever. While the girls and I wrapped up our first semester of school, John wrapped up his final weeks at KU. We celebrated Hanukkah and Christmas and New Years. Anna turned 7 months, started signing, and grew some teeth. We bought a new car. We were together A LOT. :) And it's no secret around here that the return of a routine in January has been good for everyone. 

We welcomed 2015 with open arms. We had a wonderful holiday season - don't get me wrong - but I am raising children who crave consistency and, when life feels unpredictable or somewhat off-kilter, they react (what's that saying? "the apple doesn't fall far..."). I have to constantly remind myself of how intuitive my children are ... how influenced they are by my emotions... and how they don't miss a damn thing. 

For Abby and Elise, 2014 went like this: homeschooling kindergarten free-play all day with mom to structured, student-teacher lessons at home... first-born babies in the house to big sisters... mom available 24/7 to mom on bedrest/hospital/new-baby duty... well-rested, level-headed parents to exhausted, patience-lacking parents. These were big changes for ME. They were even bigger changes for my girls. 

Happy 2015. Change is inevitable... and while it can throw us completely off-balance, clearly it can result in amazing outcomes.

Sweet, sweet 6 months

Dear Anna Banana -

I write your 6-month update with overflowing love because you, sweet baby girl, slept for eleven straight hours last night. In the words of your Daddy: "sweet, glorious sleep". In the past week since you hit the 6-month mark, I've thought about this update numerous times and each time, it started something like this: "Your sleeping abilities are atrocious"... "We are exhausted"... "You turn into a demon at bedtime".... However on this day, I get to say to you: "We LOVE you and you did it! You slept, without a peep, from 8:30 pm to 7:30 am." On the night of your first Thanksgiving, we are thankful for YOU.

Stats: 12 lbs, 8 oz. and 25 inches long. You have slept through the night a total of 6 times in 6 months, 3 of those happening within the past 3 days (but nothing as amazing as last night). ;) You are fluently signing "milk" and we're pretty sure that both "dog" and "daddy" are emerging. You love to stick out your tongue and say "lalalalalala", followed by blowing raspberries and grinning. You've just entered the "Mommy phase" and are more weary of strangers and being left alone. That being said, you happily separate from me to see Abby, Elise, Daddy, and Gran. I started you on solids early because you're so tiny and it was a better alternative for me than supplementing with formula. You are clearly a product of our family as you. love. food. Without a gag or a wince, you took to eating like a rockstar and your meals include some combination of: butternut squash, sweet potato, avocado, egg yolk, pear, and mango (all organic and homemade, of course!). The past couple months of sleep issues have been rough but, those set aside (and maybe over and done?), you are damn near perfect. 

All that was October

Let's start with you, Anna Panna Cotta...

October marked 5 months for you, Baby Bear. We love you more this month than last... but we are so very, very tired. In the past month, you gave up naps. You gave up falling asleep easily at night. You gave up staying asleep at night. Hence the name "Baby Bear". No, sweet baby - I don't want to hang out with you from 1 am to 4 am.. awake. Daddy has been the secret weapon - many nights he has come to my rescue, stashing you down in the basement (with him as well, of course) and that's where I find you two - snuggled into the couch, you tucked into the crook of his arm. The last week or two seems better... or maybe I'm just finding peace with 4 hours of sleep a night and lots of baby holding. ;) 5 months... you are rolling from tummy to back, reaching and grabbing, squealing and gurgling. You've fallen a bit out of love with sucking on your fingers or a pacifier and, as I think about it, the drooling may have slowed? Or maybe that's wishful thinking. You have been described by a stranger on more than one occasion as "a little pixie!"... your relationship to us has also been questioned on more than one occasion as your looks continue to resemble you, and only you. After having two babies before you who mirrored each other's appearance in so many ways, I assumed number three would follow suit. You did not - your hair is getting lighter, your eyes are still blue, your complexion remains fair. You, my love, are beautiful. The past month also put you back onto the growth chart. Breastfeeding is oh-so important to me and we've had our struggles. This journey over the past month has included a lot of pumping to try and increase my supply as well as a trip to an ENT two weeks ago to have your upper lip tie and tongue tie clipped. We both cried during that procedure - you were crying your "mad" cry because of the swaddling and hands in your mouth. I was crying my "pitiful mom" cry. The whole procedure was quick and the recovery was practically nothing. You are up to 11 pounds, 14 ounces (2nd percentile) and almost 26 inches long (16th percentile). You have been in perfect health and that "tickled" look on your face tickles us everyday - Gran and I saw your first playful sense of humor: I was holding you and you kept leaning back, arching away from me. Each time, in a stern-ish voice, I would say "Anna" and you would move toward me, make and hold eye contact, then slowly start leaning back again, with a very, ornery grin. And guess what - the big sisters still ADORE you (which I attribute partly to the fact that they are very sound sleepers and have been unphased by your nightly shenanigans). I can only imagine what you're going to say back when the time comes...

Speaking of the big sisters...

These two. You ladies are into dolls and dress-up, Star Wars and Dolphin Tale, reading and writing, tree-climbing and bike-riding and playing in the mud. As important as our schoolwork is each day, you are both chomping at the bit to get outside from sun-up to sun-down. I cannot imagine the amount of time you've spent high up in the tree out front lately. In fact, every time we leave the house goes something like this: "Come on, Abby! Let's go out first!"... "Wait for me, Elise!"... "Abby and Elise! Please get out of the tree and into the car!". You girls have been unruly, obnoxious, impatient, and high maintenance. And I say that with love. But seriously - who cares what shoes you wear or if your hair won't lay down flat or who answers the phone first or who checked out which book from the library or if Daddy says it's almost 2:00 when it's 1:46. We have days with school that I throw in the towel and we head to the park. Granted, my lack of sleep might be a contributing factor but even on those days, we are learning. I am learning. This year of homeschooling, while it's proving to take more patience that I ever imagined, is going to teach me so much about your personalities, your learning styles... and about my parenting. You both LOVE activity - Abby, in dance class, your movements are graceful and coordinated; Elise - you climb trees with incredible confidence and strength. You both LOVE words - Abby, your little brain rhymes and has rhythm... you actually came up with the words to one of my new songs for Baby Sing and Sign. Elise, your little brain hears each sound in words so precisely, making you a strong speller. Right now, Abby - you're reading Ramona the Brave; Elise - you're reading Trumpet of the Swan. Our "together book" is The Long Winter. I bought two new books for you from the Wrenly series a couple of weeks ago - on the day they arrived, you finished reading them before dinner that night. You've made countless rainbow loom bracelets and paper-doll clothes galore. Seriously - at my prime in making cards, I thought I had a paper obsession. You two have paper EVERYWHERE! Scraps cut from magazines, drawings and sketches, notes and lists. Amidst all your madness, however, you two are still so incredibly sweet. Abby - you reprimand me every time I call Anna "rotten". Elise - just yesterday, you traded your piece of candy with Abby because she just really wanted the one you had. For art studio class last week, you dressed alike and decided to be "twins" for Halloween that day. Good thing you're both very jack-o-laternish with those missing front teeth. You girls are really something else. 

October 2014 also included our 29th annual pumpkin carving party and Halloween. The pictures from these events tell it all:

A wee 4 months

Dear Tiny Baby,

You are four months old. At your three month check-up, you weighed a whopping 9 pounds, 11 ounces. At your four month check-up, you managed to top the scales at 10 pounds, 2 ounces. While your 23 inches of amazing length has you on the growth chart around the 8th percentile, your weight has dropped below the curve. You. Are. Tiny. Last week, a woman said "Oh my goodness! Your baby looks just like a little pixie!". I love how little you are for so many reasons; I stress about how little you are because, as your food source, I can't help but worry that I'm the cause of your wee-ness. Your sisters were 2 pounds smaller than you at this age - those were our tiny babies. I guess that's what we make around here: teeny, tiny, girls. 

Here's what you should know about your four-month old self: You smile countless times a day. It is a "tickled with the world" kind of smile that makes you tuck your chin, turn your face, and burrow into whoever is holding you... only to peek back out, still smirking. Abby and Elise have both gotten you to giggle. And both times have been while you were lying on the bathroom counter, mid-diaper-change. You are currently a rotten napper, unless you're tucked away in a sling or pouch attached to me. You LOVE to be worn. Nights, however, are lovely - you're in bed anywhere between 7:30-8:30,  you wake around 3:00 and eat, and then sleep again until somewhere between 7:30-8:30 in the morning. Your 3:00 middle-of-the-night feeding often takes place back in my bed and then we just snuggle in for the rest of the night. You LOVE the sky. As soon as we walk outside, your eyes widen, your face softens, and you gaze. You've completed two full sessions of Baby Sing and Sign with Gran. The first month of classes, you slept through part of every class. The second month, you were awake the whole time, smiling and watching. I love teaching these classes - it takes my love to a whole new level to look up and see MY BABY grinning back at me. You mutter. Oh the muttering! If you're hungry or tired, with or without a pacifier in your mouth, you mumble and complain - not crying - just downright muttering. You and the pacifier are friends - it doesn't matter the brand or style, color or size. You'll take it. Although, in the past few days, you've discovered that two of your fingers work pretty well also - never your thumb - just two of your fingers. Abby and Elise have started carrying you around, just in the house and near an adult. They love to walk you to the window or their bedroom, all the while narrating what you might be seeing. Abby did almost drop you today when you spit up all over her. Luckily you don't spit up much or else we might have to put an end to the carrying. The carseat makes you mad sometimes, but if we all sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" you usually settle back down. Elise gets in your face all day long saying "Hello!" or "Hi!" and Abby catches your eye regularly with "Oh, hello doo-doo!". You can thank Daddy for being called "doo-doo", as well as "Anna pants". So far, the big girls have never asked if we can give you back. In fact, I think they grow more fond of you daily. Good thing something around here is growing... :)

Wordless Wednesday: Perfection

July 2014: 6 years..10 weeks

Dear Abby,

Six. years. old. You're going to eat us out of house and home, especially if it involves seafood or meat. You dance with confidence, passion, and madness - actually, you sort of live life that way. Your facial expressions absolutely say as much as your words - which often include phrases such as "I know!", "But, but, but...", "I'm going to miss you!", "C'mon, Elise!", "Anna, do you have a smile for me?", "But what about ME?", "I'm hungry!", just to name a few. Your artwork is better than mine - you become so focused when drawing and, in case you were wondering, your bottom jaw STILL juts out and to the side when you're concentrating (this has been one of your "looks" since you were barely walking). Your latest fictional characters to pretend to be include Elsa, from Frozen, Mulan, Robin Hood, and Princess Leia. When you read aloud, you go so fast that we can't even understand you. I'm pretty sure that's how fast you read in your head but you understand every bit. You've lost 2 teeth. You are your baby sister's biggest fan. The transition with a new baby was hard on you and, after a couple of weeks working through some heated emotions, you responded beautifully to disappointment one evening and when I asked if you knew why I was so proud of you, your response was "Because I didn't arch my back?". And you were right, because we'd determined that back-arching was not a calm behavior. I'm proud of you for so many reasons, Abby Rose. Our family of five is perfect because you're in it. 

Dear Elise,

Six. years. old. You cannot stop spelling. "Hey Mom: I...L.O.V.E...Y.O.U" or "I..A.M...G.O.O.D.", all spelled out letter by letter in the middle of a conversation. Couscous, orzo, "open noodles", ABC noodles - you are a carb-lover like your Daddy. Your artwork is also better than mine - I was just laying in your room and looking at a drawing that you taped to your wall of Ana, from Frozen. It's truly amazing. Your latest fictional characters to pretend to be include Ana, Maid Marian, Captain Li Shang (from Mulan), and Luke Skywalker. Or the lady who runs "Dessert Closet", the fine bakery that occasionally takes over our living room. Whenever you're distressed, your sentence always begins with "But Momma, let me tell you something" - it's a dead giveaway that you're having a conflict with Abby or you have a request that you assume I'm going to deny. You've lost 2 teeth.  You are swimming like a rockstar - crawl stroke and even starting to learn the butterfly. You also have no fear and you often hear me say things like: "Elise, are we in the living room or at the playground?, "Elise, are we in the kitchen or at the playground?", "Elise, are we at the store or at the playground" because if it could possibly be climbed, you're on it. You are incredibly compassionate and, more often than you should, you put Abby's wants above your own. I'm proud of you for so many reasons, Elise Autumn. Our family of five is perfect because you're in it. 

Dear Anna,

10. weeks. You weigh 9 pounds, 3 ounces and you are 21 inches long. You're a great night sleeper - last night you went to bed at 9:00, woke up to eat at 1:30am, and went back to sleep until 6:30. Your hands are always in your mouth and you drool like a fiend. You also smile, talk, coo, and gurgle at anyone who will give you the time of day. At Starlight last week, you were propped on my shoulder and, before I realized what was happening, a crowd of half a dozen had formed behind me and you were talking their ears off and smiling like a star. Needless to say, they thought you were the cutest baby they'd ever seen. ;) We've been known to call you Anna Banana, Anna Pants, and Little Tiny. Your eyes are still blue, your head has a fine layer of peach fuzz, and your arms and legs continue to move like you're training for a triathlon. I've left you for about 2 hours with Gran while I teach a class and, as of about 8 weeks, you're sleeping mostly in your crib at night instead of with me. Daddy described you as "a peach" on the day you were born - that label still fits you, Anna Michele. Our family of five is perfect because you're in it. 

Anna Michele

Sweet baby Anna Michele was born on Tuesday, May 20th at 11:42 a.m. She weighed 6 lbs, 15 oz and was 18 inches long. She is perfect. Here's her story...

Abby and Elise were an emergency c-section in July 2008. Five years later, one baby on the way, and with the support of my hubby, I made a very informed decision to pursue a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I am woman, hear me roar! My body was meant to birth a baby and that experience is one I just needed to have, or at least try and have. The hospital here in town does not perform VBACs, so that meant switching doctors and opting to deliver in Overland Park. Enter our doulas. During my first trimester, I contacted two amazing women who I had connected with through Baby Sing and Sign: Stefanie and Lindsay. "Doula" from that point forward became an integral part of everyone in this household's vocabulary. 

Artwork by Abby: "Doolis" = "Doulas"

As I mentioned on the blog before, we hit our first hiccup around 28 weeks when Baby Lawrence developed a heart arrhythmia. After much monitoring, our fears lessened as the babe continued to develop beautifully and the arrhythmia faded. Our next hiccup came at 37 weeks when my blood pressure skyrocketed. Seriously? Blood pressure? All we could think was "how could that be my issue? I have the lowest blood pressure EVER!". I spent a week on modified bed rest, checking my BP too many times at home, and crossing my fingers that my pregnancy would continue. Here's the deal: with a VBAC, I was not a candidate for any type of medical induction. That's one of the caveats - to induce before the body is ready often leads to a longer, more strenuous labor which raises possible risks and complications for a VBAC. At my 38 week check-up, while my BP was within an acceptable range, the fluid around Baby L had dropped to a level that required delivery in the near future. It was go-time.

While I still was not dilated or feeling contractions, after checking into the hospital on Monday afternoon, the midwife on duty was able to insert a Cook's Catheter. For those that like details, this is essentially a catheter for your cervix. This does not require any drugs and was our only hope to get labor started. While contractions came on fairly strong after it was inserted, they lessened and we hunkered down for the night - best case scenario was that, by morning, the cook's catheter had done it's job and I would be dilated to a 5. 

Tuesday morning, the catheter was removed. I was indeed dilated to a 5. At 8:00, my midwife, Sarah, came and broke my water and, within a half an hour, contractions started. From there on out, it was a perfect VBAC. I was able be up and about, moving through the contractions as they intensified. My mom, John, and Stefanie were awesome - keeping me company, offering support, and chatting away the morning. By 11:00 I was fully dilated and Anna was born at 11:42 a.m. Everyone was expecting a boy, except for Stefanie! Although, before even asking if she was a girl or a boy, as I reached to hold her, out of my mouth popped "Oh, I'm so sorry about your head!"... poor little head looked as though it had been squished through a small opening. Oh wait... it had been. ;) I cut the cord myself, since it wasn't a task that either my mom or John wanted and we all soaked up that moment of holding, seeing, and loving a newborn baby. It was my perfect drug-free, all-natural, birth experience. 

Until... I'll make a very long story somewhat brief... Anna didn't rotate when she was born, so her shoulders came through square. I had third degree tears that were quickly attended to. While that procedure was taking place, concerns arose that my bleeding was not slowing. There was talk that part of the placenta had not detached from the uterus or that there was a blood clot issue... regardless, the looks on everyone's faces were changing. After the tears were repaired and the nurses were doing their post-procedure utensil/material count, they discovered a mis-count: one of the sponges used was missing. So... this led to intensely painful internal checks as well as a complete emptying, spreading out, and examining of the trash receptacles that contained far more blood than anyone should have to see. I also had to be x-rayed to make sure the sponge wasn't inside, all the while my blood pressure was plummeting. John, my mom, and Stefanie paced about the room, passing Anna back and forth as we wanted her kept with us at all times. She was a peach! But honestly, the room looked like a gory scene from a murder movie and, according to John, I wasn't looking much better than death. 

Throughout the afternoon, about every 30 minutes, the nurses would have to come and "massage" my stomach/uterus to determine if the bleeding was slowing. I would birth that baby all over again rather than experience hours of that. I remember passing Anna over to someone when they would come in because I had to brace myself on the sides of the bed - the pain was horrible. By early evening, I had lost too much blood to ignore and at 9:00 that night, they started a blood transfusion. The transfusion was the first event of the day that I couldn't handle - it sounded scary and serious and I didn't want someone else's blood. John had left to see Abby and Elise and head home for some sleep; my mom stayed with me. It was a phone call to John that helped calm me down. And, throughout the night, the company of my mom that took the fears away. The toll on my body from the blood loss showed itself in two ways: I had a raging headache for about five days and my milk didn't come in. We came home on Thursday; by Friday morning I had a hungry baby and I was completely stressed out. I texted Stefanie around 6:30... she was at our door 15 minutes later, following closely by my mom. The "hiccups" continued and, as we ventured out to have Anna checked by the pediatrician and acquire a breast pump, our car died and we spent a good portion of time stranded in a parking lot with a 4 day old baby. 

Here we are, six weeks later... Anna's arrival wasn't without it's fair share of stress and complications. I am so grateful to my "team" - I will never forget John bringing me home from the hospital and promptly preparing a steak, to up my iron count, while chanting "we're gonna make some milk!", in an effort to boost my spirits about my lack of lactation ... or my mom tearing up when we told her that her we had chosen her name for Anna's middle name, a choice that came easy for us after the love and support she provided during an exciting and terrifying time... or Stefanie's calm, kind voice saying "you're doing great, Erin" through each contraction... or Sarah sitting down on the edge of the bed in such a relaxed and compassionate manner, ready to hand our baby to us.

Anna Michele - you are so loved. I can't begin to count the number of times a day Abby and Elise kiss you on the head. You are six weeks old and still sleeping with me... partly because you only get up once during the night when you're there but also because it's the most wonderful thing in the world. You weigh over 8 pounds now, wearing up to 3-month size clothes and bigger than your sisters were at almost 4 months; you grunt, squirm, and stretch ALL the time; you cannot keep your hands away from your face, much like you were in every. single. ultrasound; you're holding your head up like a boss; and a week ago you started smiling at us - and I'm not talking about a little smirk... your mouth opens up as wide as possible, your tongue sticks out, and you SMILE! Yesterday, Gran, Abby, Elise, you, and I went to see The King and I at the theater. It was over 3 hours long - you slept for the first 2 hours, nursed for a bit, and slept through the rest. At one point, you started tooting, which wasn't quiet, and I was terrified of a full-on blow out during a very quiet scene. Thank you for resisting the urge, literally. Your first outing was to the pediatrician's office, followed by Gran and Grandpa's house. At 11 days old, you went with us to the farmer's market. The sling that I wear you in is like a baby sleeping pill and you've since slept through countless outings. Your hair looks lighter than your big sisters' and your eyes are still blue. Most importantly, you complete our family. After Abby and Elise were born, I wasn't even out of the hospital and was thinking about "the next time". You fulfilled my "next time" and this time, before leaving the hospital, I was thinking "family of 5...perfect". I love you.